~A Poem for Samhain~

Samhain

by ~der-morgen

 

Hear the wolf cry and the old bull bellow

At the pulse of the spirits on the eve of All Hallows

As the sky grows dim and the clouds are low

And the Earth is alight with the Autumn glow

Oh, Samhain, Samhain! The night of old!

The veil grows thin and the ether grows cold

The spirits fly forth at the end of the day

With a candle I show them the way…

I walk in the forest in the cold, crisp air

My spirit is free and my soul is bare

I walk in silence but never alone

The spirits surround me, their power has grown

Oh, Samhain, Samhain!  The raven, he calls!

His power it steals through the icy stone walls

As the night nears its darkest, so black and so bleak

The spirits, the spirits, they speak…

Their visions before me, they course through my soul

Their power consumes me, I fight for control

The ground falls before me, the forest is gone

The night creeps inside me and at last we are one

Oh, Samhain, Samhain!  The Goddess divine!

The power, the raven, the night, it is mine!

It courses my blood and it whips through my hair

It invokes deep within me my own power there…

As I stand in this circle my eyes see anew

The forest it glistens like clear morning dew

As I take up the candle the spirits take flight

I whisper my blessing to the cloak of the night

Oh Samhain, Samhain!  Most sacred of days!

Vanish once more with the first morning rays!

The clear, chilly dawn echoes over the land

As the Goddess descends with the moon in her hand…

At the call of the bull and the wolf’s mournful cry

At the howl of the wind and the weight of the sky

The spinners will spin and the weavers will weave

The soul of the Goddess on All Hallows Eve.

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~A Story for Samhain~

                    ~The Witch’s Well Worn Shoes~

Another old Witch died one day. As time went on she was sadly missed and there was a void in Gothville. Eventually the villagers decided it was time to clean out her old cottage.

Different people took different things for themselves and there were very few things left by the time Poppy-Moon HotGoth arrived. Poppy-Moon HotGoth was quiet and unassuming and content to dwell in her own world and stay to herself.

She loved to dance and twirl by the light of her fireplace. Having a very eclectic bedroom, Poppy-Moon was always on the look-out for interesting things to add to her collection.

As the last of the villagers left the cottage, Poppy-Moon HotGoth entered and looked at the near-empty room. The curtains were gone, the blankets and beautiful black dresses and capes were gone, and even the Witch’s familiars were gone. This made Poppy-Moon HotGoth very sad, indeed.

 

Just as Poppy-Moon was about to leave, something caught the corner of her eye. Peeking out from under the bed were the Witch’s well-worn shoes. Poppy-Moon HotGoth was pleased and almost felt joy. There was a black tag with a picture of a flying Witch. That made the shoes all the more special to Poppy-Moon But, before she could approach the shoes, a little gray mouse popped up from inside one of the shoes. What a delightful surprise.

Poppy-Moon was certain it was a forgotten familiar. The mouse had apparently made it’s home inside the shoes. Poppy-Moon wasn’t about to toss him out of his home. The Witch’s shoes were wonderful in the eyes of Poppy-Moon, mouse and all. She held them close to her chest and almost smiled. And even though the shoes were way too big for her feet she still wanted to keep them in remembrance of The Witch.

She rushed home to show her treasures to her parents, but was met with a surprising statement from the GothFather. He told Poppy-Moon that there was only one way she could keep the shoes…..then he made her an offer she couldn’t refuse…..she had to prove that the Witch’s shoes would serve a handy purpose in their home, or they’d be thrown away in the morning. Apparently, the GothFather was tired of all the junk, linens, and leather scraps that Poppy-Moon would drag home from the graveyard, the Salvation Army, and various dumpsters and yard sales from Gothville. There were too many things in the Goth House. Items had to now prove their value in order to stay.

Poppy-Moon HotGoth was even more sad now. What was she going to do? Normally she would have appreciated the added depression, but she REALLY wanted to keep those wicked-cool Witch shoes. She would have to think of something fast…

That night, before staying up most of the night, writing dark poetry, weeping, cutting, and toying with new eye-lining techniques, Poppy-Moon HotGoth placed the Witch’s shoes beside her bed in the same manner in which she found them at the cottage earlier that day. She finally went to sleep, ultra sad.

 

Little did she know, another one of the Witch’s familiars was still inside the shoes. It was the Witch’s spider, ArachnoGoth. The Witch’s spider heard the GothFather and his new house rule. ArachnoGoth knew just what to do.

 

First of all, ArachnoGoth spun some spider webbing across the shoe openings, which were spun in the pattern of black and white Gingham check, and turned them into handy pincushions. That would make the shoes more functional. The shoes were made of muslin, stuffed, painted black, and aged. They were beautiful.

 

ArachnoGoth decided to also attach a small strand of black buttons to the shoes, as well as a distressed wooden needle case. Then she strung some tiny old wooden spools together and attached them to the back of one shoe, behind the mouse.

Then ArachnoGoth found some little black glass beads and stitched them in place down the front of the shoes. Next, the spider laced rusted wire through the beads. The mouse merely watched. By the time dawn arrived the shoes finally looked their best.

 

And as a final touch, ArachnoGoth bound the two shoes together with more rusted wire and then she came to rest on the side of one of the shoes and froze herself there. She would never move again. Her work here was done.

At 12 inches long and 6 inches tall, they were the most beautiful and functional wicked-cool pincushions in the house. Poppy-Moon HotGoth could display her beautiful hat pins in the cushions, special belly button rings, straight pins, or her awesome collection of acupuncture needles.

Of course, at the moment, she was content to have her rusty safety pins and old buttons. By the time Poppy-Moon HotGoth woke up, the Witch shoes were sitting next to her bed, just as she left them, only they had been completely transformed.

One day I’ll have to tell you about the terrible scissor incident when the evil Gothmother tried to take the Witch shoes pincushions for herself. It got nasty.

Anyway, all is well in Gothville now. Poppy-Moon HotGoth spends her time being almost happy.

 Samhain Blessings to all here in our secret moon garden, may we always have balance in our lives…

~The Spirit World and Spirit Guides~

Many people in the Pagan community work with spirits and otherworldly beings, particularly when Samhain is approaching and the veil is growing thin. Sometimes you may call upon these beings on purpose, other times, they might just drop in unannounced! Today, we’ll talk about how to identify the different types of guides, how to tell if a spirit doesn’t really have your best interests at heart, contacting the spirit world, and how to get rid of spirits that you don’t want hanging around.

What Is a Spirit Guide?

Benevolent Guides:

Many people believe they have spirit guides. Some refer to theirs as angels or guardians. Regardless, if you believe you have one, a spirit guide is there simply to guide, not as an entity that you need to give yourself over to. If a spirit guide has a negative influence on your behaviour, then chances are good that it’s not a spirit guide at all, but something else entirely. These are some of the more commonly found types of spirit guides:

Ascended Masters:

These are guides often found by people who do energy work, such as Reiki. An ascended master who appears as a spirit guide is often a being that led a physical life and has moved on to a higher spiritual plane — for example, Buddha, Krishna, even Jesus. Ascended masters usually work with collective groups of souls — in other words, if you’ve got an ascended master hanging around you, you’re not the only one he or she is helping. Their primary focus is that of helping all of humanity. It’s not uncommon for an ascended master to have access to Akashic records. Also referred to as Master Teacher guides.

Ancestral Guides:

An ancestral guide is one who can claim some sort of kinship with you, such as your dear Aunt Tillie who died when you were ten. It may also appear in the form of a long-dead ancestor. In some schools of thought, these entities are seen as reincarnated guides, because they are the spirits of someone who loved us during their physical lifetime, or who had some sort of blood connection to our family. Some people, depending on their religious upbringing, may see these types of guides as guardian angels.

Common Spirit Guide, or Teacher Guide:

A typical spirit guide is archetypical, symbolic or representative of something else. For example, you may find your guide appears in the form of a warrior, a storyteller, or a wise woman, and they have appeared to you for a purpose. Typically, that purpose is to teach you and guide you along a particular path. They may also introduce you to other archetypes along your journey, and help out with problem solving, based upon your needs. They are known to provide insight by way of dreams or meditation, and may only hang around as long as you need them, then move on.

Animal Guides:

Although many people claim to have animals as spirit guides, often these entities are more companions than anything else. It’s not uncommon for a deceased pet to linger around, keeping you company through the grieving process. In some spiritual traditions, such as various Native American or shamanic paths, a person may have an animal totem, which provides teaching and/or protection.

How To Hold a séance

A séance is an event that can either be fantastic, or a real mess. Which one it is will depend on how much preparation goes into it. With a little bit of planning and thought ahead of time, you can pave the way for your séance to go smoothly. Certainly, it’s a good idea to expect the unexpected — after all, the dead are hardly predictable — but by setting yourself a few guidelines in advance, you can make sure that everyone has the best experience possible.

Here’s How:

  1. Plan your guest list: Figure out how many people you’re going to have — and make sure the space you’re using will allow them all. If your living room only seats eight people comfortably, don’t invite fifteen! Also, be sure that everyone attending is open-minded to the spirit world. People who are adamantly “non-believers” bring a certain amount of negative energy, and this can be disruptive. You may also find that it adversely effects your communication with the spirits during your séance.
  2. Create a Spirit-Friendly Atmosphere: Most people like to conduct a séance at a round or oval table, but if neither is available, don’t worry. Drape the table with fabric or sheets — some people prefer light colours to attract “friendly” spirits, but it’s a matter or personal preference. If you use incense, be sure that no one in your group is allergic to it. Place incense somewhere away from the table, rather than on the table itself.  Candles are a nice addition as well — not only do they provide some visibility, but there’s a school of thought that believes spirits are attracted to heat and light sources.
  3. Common Sense: Help everyone get comfortable by offering refreshments before you begin. Make sure that guests will be respectful of the spirits, and of other guests. Turn off all cell phones. If anyone needs to go to the bathroom or have a smoke, do so before you begin. Set the thermostat at a comfortable temperature — remember that spirit activity can cause some fluctuation in levels of cold or heat. Once everyone is seated, you can help everyone relax by doing a short guided mediation, offering a prayer, or casting a protective circle, if your tradition requires you to do so.
  4. During the Seance: Although many people like to do this, you don’t have to hold hands to raise energy. In fact, if a séance goes on too long, it can get downright uncomfortable. Whoever is acting as the leader of the séance — the medium — should ask the spirits to join the group. If there is a specific spirit you are trying to contact, ask for them by name. For example, now would be the time to say, “Dear Auntie Gertrude, we respectfully ask that you honour us with your presence this evening.” In some séances, spirits are summoned by chanting — this will be up to your medium to decide on.
  5. As long as the spirits seem willing to reply, you can carry on a question and answer session with them. Bear in mind that spirits respond in many different ways. Sometimes there will be a tangible reaction — a tap, a thump, a soft breeze. Other times — particularly if you have a room full of very psychically gifted people — the spirit may choose to respond through another person. This may be the medium, or any other guest. The individual may simply “get a message” to pass along, which they would then share, such as, “Your Auntie Gertrude wants you to know she isn’t in pain any more.”
  6. Party Time: Sometimes, particularly if you have a group of psychically gifted individuals as guests, you may get several spirits arriving all at once, chattering away. This is not cause for alarm, but it does take some managing, because they’ve all got something to say. Treat it like you would any other conversation with a large group of people, let each spirit get their turn to deliver the message they came with, and then move on to the next one. Also, bear in mind that not all spirits are from departed humans — deceased pets may also have a message to pass along.
  7. Unwanted Entities: Just like at any other party, sometimes a séance will bring an uninvited guest. In this case, when you have a spirit that seems malevolent or mischievous, someone needs to let them know they’re unwelcome. Typically, this will be the medium who is leading the séance, who will usually say something like, “You are not wanted here, but we thank you for your presence. Now it is time for you to move on.”If an entity arrives that seems angry or hostile and will not leave, no matter what you do, end the séance. Chances are good that it’s been attracted to someone in your group who is dysfunctional.
  8. Closing the Door: When you’re done with the séance, it’s important that guests thank the spirits for coming to visit. After all, you would do so if you had living guests drop in!If one of your attendees seems to have slipped into a trance or a sleep-like state during the séance, allow them to return gradually, on their own. Do NOT shake them awake. Chances are they’ll have a message for someone once they’re back among the group.
  9. Close the séance by telling the spirits farewell, thanking them, and asking them to move along. You may want to offer a small blessing or prayer as a way of ending the formal séance, but bear in mind that some spirits like to hang around after the séance has officially finished. If they do, it’s okay. They’re probably just curious, and they may return to visit you later in the evening during a dream sequence.

Tips:

  1. Before you begin your seance, smudge the area with sage or sweetgrass for ritual cleansing.
  2. Make sure you’ve eliminated potential distractions, such as children or ringing telephones. Interestingly, many pets seem to come and go through spirit activity without causing any disruption. Cats in particular tend to be very curious about what’s going on.
  3. Your guests may wish to bring an object that belonged to a deceased person, as a way of strengthening the connection. Photographs are also good links to the dead.

Is Your Spirit Guide Really There To Help?:

Every once in a while, someone will manage to contact what they think is a spirit guide – perhaps by way of a Ouija board or other method of divination — and the next thing you know, things are getting weird. If any of the following scenarios seem familiar, then chances are that what you’ve connected to is not a spirit guide at all.

How to know your spirit guide isn’t really there to help:

  • You’re the only person the spirit has EVER contacted, and you’re really super special, which is why they’re sharing their message with you and not two hundred other people.
  • Your guide talks about magical doorways, secret portals to other worlds, or gates that you somehow managed to open, and nobody else ever has.
  • The spirit doesn’t mind you bragging about it to friends, but gets grumpy whenever anyone questions its existence or purpose. Not only that, it encourages you to isolate yourself from friends who think the spirit guide may well be full of poo.
  • The spirit claims to be hanging around in order to protect you from some other spirit that you’ve never encountered. Weird stuff happens, and your spirit guide is handily there at all the right times to help you out.
  • Your spirit guide claims to be from another planet or world that is as yet undiscovered by scientists.
  • The spirit claims that it needs your help — and only yours — to help it do things like write, talk, etc., and basically wants you to become its instrument of operation. In exchange for this voluntary form of possession, the spirit will impart you with all kinds of nifty new wisdom, that only you will be privy to.
  • The spirit seems to have no real purpose other than to share information with you, but the information you’re receiving is of no real use, other than to make you believe you are way more enlightened than everyone else.
  • The spirit informs you that people who love you and care about you are secretly plotting against you, and that the only one who truly understands you is the spirit itself.
  • All the information you’re being given by the spirit goes against common sense, logic, laws of science and physics, and basic human decency, and yet it all makes sense to you now, because you’re the only one special enough for the spirit to talk to.

Getting Rid of Unwanted Spirits

Every once in a while, people who work with spirit communications may find themselves dealing with something that isn’t quite what they expected. Perhaps an entity has come along that isn’t the one you thought you were talking to, or worse yet, maybe something negative has decided to pay a visit. Much like an uninvited houseguest, sometimes you’ve just got to send them away.

Obviously, your first line of offense is a good defense. Before you get started doing any sort of spirit work, be sure to cleanse the area you’ll be practicing in. This can be done by way of smudging, prayer, or casting a circle. Creating a sacred space, in which the boundaries are clearly defined, is a good way of keeping out anything you don’t want to stop in and hang around.

Despite our best efforts, however, sometimes things can sneak in. It may be a spirit who has attached itself to a guest at your séance, or just a curious entity that wants to know what you’re up to. Perhaps it’s something that needs to deliver a message, and then just doesn’t feel like leaving afterwards.

If this is the case, there are a couple of ways you can get rid of unwanted spirits. The first way – and one most people don’t even consider – is very simple: tell it to leave. Be firm and blunt, and say something along the lines of, “This is not the place for you, and it’s time for you to leave.” You may wish to offer a blessing or well-wishes if it makes you feel better about things, and say, “It is time for you to move on, and we wish you the best in your new place.” Frequently, this will do the trick and your problems will be solved.

Sometimes, though, you may encounter an entity that’s a bit more stubborn. It may be really interested in hanging out with you, and in this case, you may need to take slightly more aggressive steps. In situations like this, you may want to create a cleansing ritual to rid the place (or person) of the attached spirit. By incorporating smudging and other purification practices, along with being assertive towards the entity (“I order you now to leave this place!”), you should be able to eliminate the spirit attachment.

Every once in a great while, people run into a spirit that’s not just stubborn, but downright hostile. In this case, you’ll need to bring out the big guns. Cleansing, smudging, and banishing are all called for. This may even be something you’d like to get assistance with – a small group of psychically gifted individuals can work wonders when it comes to getting rid of the nasties. Again, the key here is to be assertive and reclaim your space from whatever entity has attached itself. This means you’ll have to take charge of the situation. Don’t be afraid to shout out, “You are NOT welcome here!” to whatever’s hanging around.

Once you’ve gotten rid of whatever it is that has been lurking, make sure you do a final cleansing of the space to help prevent further recurrences from unwanted visitors. Use the tips included in Magical Self Defense as a way to keep negative entities away.

 

~*Samhain Magick*~

Samhain Divination

Seeing the Future at Halloween

In many agricultural societies, a popular pastime at Samhain was that of divining the name of one’s future lover. Some revealed a face, others an initial or even a full name. These traditional methods were practiced in rural societies for centuries. You can use them today for your own divination.

https://i2.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/35/004bramley.jpg

Apple Divination

Apples have always been popular tools for foretelling the future. There are a number of traditional methods in folklore for seeing who one’s lover might be.

  • Peel the apple, keeping the peel in one long piece. When the peel comes off, drop it on the floor. The letter it forms is the first initial of your true love’s name.
  • Wait until midnight at Samhain, and cut an apple into nine pieces. Take the pieces into a dark room with a mirror (either hanging on the wall or a hand-held one will do). At midnight, begin eating the pieces of apple while looking into the mirror. When you get to the ninth piece, throw it over your shoulder. The face of your lover should appear in the mirror.
  • If a girl has more than one potential lover, peel an apple and pull out the seeds. Place a wet seed on your cheek for each boyfriend. The last one left stuck to the skin represents the suitor who is the true love.

Water Divination

Water has always been known for its magical properties, so it’s only natural to use it for divination workings. Try one of these on Samhain night.

  • At midnight on Samhain, go to a lake and gaze into the water. You should see your lover’s face reflected in the lake before you.
  • Fill a cauldron with water, and then light a candle. Drip the hot wax into the water, and see what shape it forms. The shape will indicate the profession of your future lover.
  • Find a moving body of water like a stream or river. Select a piece of wood to represent the person you wish to be your lover, and throw it in the water. If it floats downstream, he will be true and constant. If the wood gets caught up on the bank, or sinks, your lover will be unfaithful.

Food Divination

There are a number of divinations that use foods, baking and cooking as their focus. Some of these are still practiced today.

  • Scottish Bannock Divination: in Scotland and northern England, a girl would bake a bannock cake in the evening. In complete silence, she walked to her room and placed the bannock under her pillow. Her dreams that night would show her the face of her lover, and in the morning she ate the bannock.
  • To find out if you’ll find love in the coming twelve months, separate an egg and drop the white into a glass of water. If it sinks immediately, love is forthcoming. If it floats on the top of the water, you’ll spend the next year alone.
  • Take two nuts, one for yourself and one for your lover. At midnight on Samhain, place them on a grate over your fire. If they burn well, you’ll have a long and happy relationship. If one nut pops or burns, it means one of you will be unfaithful.

Make a Witch Bottle

The witch bottle is a magical tool that has been reported in use for centuries. In early times, the bottle was designed as a way to protect oneself from malicious witchcraft and sorcery. In particular, around the time of Samhain, homeowners might create a witch bottle to keep evil spirits from entering the home on Hallow’s Eve. The witch bottle was usually made of pottery or glass, and included sharp objects such as pins and bent nails. It typically contained urine as well, belonging to the homeowner, as a magical link to the property and family within. In 2009, an intact witch bottle was found in Greenwich, England, and experts have dated it back to around the seventeenth century.
Around the Samhain season, you may want to do a little bit of protective magic yourself, and create a witch bottle of your own. The general idea of the witch bottle is to not only protect yourself, but send back the negative energy to whoever or whatever is sending it your way. You’ll need the following items:
A small glass jar with lid Sharp, rusty items like nails, razor blades, bent pins Sea salt Red string or ribbon A black candle
Fill the jar about halfway with the sharp, rusty items. These were used to deflect bad luck and ill fortune away from the jar. Add the salt, which is used for purification, and finally, the red string or ribbon, which was believed to bring protection. When the jar is halfway filled, there are a couple of different things you can do, depending on whether or not you’re easily repulsed.

One option is to fill the remainder of the jar with your own urine – this identifies the bottle as belonging to you. However, if the idea makes you a bit squeamish, there are other ways you can complete the process. Instead of urine, use a bit of wine. You may wish to consecrate the wine first before using it in this manner. In some magical traditions, the practitioner might choose to spit in the wine after it’s in the jar because — much like the urine — this is a way of marking the jar as your territory.
Cap the jar, and make sure it’s sealed tightly (particularly if you used urine – you don’t want any accidental spillage), and seal it with wax from the black candle. Black is considered handy for banishing negativity. If you’re having trouble finding black candles, you may want to use white instead, and imagine a white ring of protection surrounding your witch bottle. Also, in candle magic, white is typically considered a universal substitute for any other colour candle.
Now – where to stash your bottle? There are two schools of thought on this, and you can decide which one works best for you. One group swears that the bottle needs to be hidden somewhere in the home – under a doorstep, up in a chimney, behind a cabinet, whatever — because that way, any negative magic aimed at the house will always go straight to the witch bottle, avoiding the people in the home. The other philosophy is that the bottle needs to be buried as far away from the house as possible, so that any negative magic sent towards you will never reach your home in the first place. Whichever one you choose, be sure that you’re leaving your bottle in a place where it will remain undisturbed permanently.
If you do believe someone may be trying to harm you or your family with malicious magic, be sure to read about Magickal Self Defense.

~Samhain – The End of Summer, The Third and Final Harvest~

Generally it is celebrated on October 31st but some traditions prefer celebrating it on November 1st. Regardless of the path/tradition it is a time to pause and thank for all that we have harvested this year, be it the fruits of our physical labour or our spiritual labour, and give thanks. Because, like during Beltane, the Veil between the Worlds is at its thinnest, it is a favoured time to do divination and spirit work.

Picture courtesy of:  http://wilhelmine.deviantart.com/art/Samhain-Altar-2009-143250744

Traditionally for Samhain we carve pumpkins (turnips in Scotland)), we leave an extra chair at the table and a plate of food for the spirits of our ancestors, we light candles and leave them on the windows to help guide lost spirits. There are many activities to do during Samhain and usually they are path specific like for example burrying apples along roadsides and paths to guide lost spirits or provide for the ones that have no one else to provide for them. Samhain is Re-Birth through Death. Leave the past behind, let it go and celebrate a fresh beginning. Make a list of what you wish to shed and let go of and burn in your bonfire or in your cauldron. Make a list of what you wish to manifest during the next year and keep it safe in a secrets box. Samhain allows you to come to terms with your past and leave all regret and mistakes behind, planning the best for the future. The bonfire was actually called ‘bone fire’ and the leftover animal bones from the Samhain feast were thrown into a fire and the next day retrieved to check for signs of what the future might bring. Foods traditional for this Sabbat are pumpkins, gourds, turnips, corn, beans, wholemeal breads, seasonal fruit, poultry, beef and pork dishes, nicely seasoned with thyme, rosemary and black peppers. It’s a good time to bake bread, cakes and cookies – especially treats for the little ones like these cranberry-pumpkin cookies, marzipan fingers or yummy truffles. Absolutely mouthwatering! YUM!! Colours that correspond with Samhain are the ones you usually see in Nature at this time: black, brown, marroon, deep red and orange, purple and the herbs connected with this Sabbat are usually mugwort, mullein, allspice, wormwood, catnip, nightshade, oak (bark and leaves), sage and straw. (Please remember that these can vary slightly according to each path/tradition).

~Dolphins granted personhood by government of India~

Dolphins have been granted “non-human personhood” status by the government of India, making India the first nation in the world to recognize the unique intelligence and self-awareness of the cetacean order (a class of aquatic mammals).

The decision was announced by India’s Minister of the Environment and Forests which also outlawed captive dolphin shows. The ministry added that dolphins “should have their own specific rights.” (SOURCE)

Dolphins are extremely intelligent mammals with a highly-developed social structure. Recent research shows that dolphins call each other by name and can remember the unique name whistles from old “friends” heard just one time 20 years ago.

Dolphins choose their own unique name — a series of complex whistles — before they reach one year of age. From that point forward, all the other dolphins in their social group call them by that unique name.

Dolphins use highly-complex grammatical communications

Previous research has shown that dolphins have human-like self awareness and engage in highly complex communications with other dolphins using grammatical sentence structure. Yes, dolphins have their own complete language, much like humans. (See the Dolphin Communication Project.) The main difference between dolphin language and human language is that dolphins aren’t vaccinated as young children and injected with brain-damaging mercury. Therefore, dolphins grow up able to speak in fully coherent sentences while many humans now are cognitively deficient and unable to compose meaningful sentences. (They are literally brain damaged by vaccines, mercury fillings and toxic chemicals in foods, medicines and personal care products. Idiocracy has arrived!)

As this 1999 scientific paper on dolphin communication explains about a dolphin named “Ake:”

…the relation of thematic role to word order were firmly incorporated into Ake’s concepts of the grammar of the language, strongly suggesting knowledge of argument number. Overall, this set of findings underscores the robustnesss of comprehension by Ake of her learned language… [the test] required an understanding of grammatical and semantic relations and of pragmatic issues deriving from the link between thematic role and syntactic position.

Ake, in other words, is grammatically smarter than many adult humans as is evidenced by the fact that many human beings no longer have any ability to parse meaningful concepts from language and instead are nothing more than “hypnosis subjects” who punch chads at the voting booths and live on Cheetos and Gatorade.

Why I support the “personhood” of cetaceans

Let the record show that I fully support non-human personhood status for dolphins and other cetaceans (whales, dolphins, purpoises). The idea of violently kidnapping these intelligent mammals from their wild habitat and forcing them to engage in parlor tricks for an audience of sunburned, nutrient-depleted vaccine-damaged ice cream-licking over-medicated drooling human children is wildly offensive to all intelligent beings (meaning the dolphins).

It would be far more appropriate to tow a raft full of these “flotation device” human junk food slurpers into the ocean and let a group of intelligent dolphins observe them performing stupid human tricks for Pop-Tarts and aspartame-laced diet soda.

See some of these stupid human tricks for yourself in these videos:

“Fork up nose”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZtEeP7n15o

“Man folds himself into hide-a-bed”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK8IJNvez6E

“Woman spits out gum and sucks it back in”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJPTEZjz-74

I’m sure any dolphin would pay good money to watch a few more. Perhaps they will kidnap human children off the street and force them to live on island cages in the middle of the ocean where they have to endlessly perform stupid human tricks with no hope of ever escaping their maddening confinement.

Yes, this part of the article is pure satire. (Any dolphin would have already known that.)

And yes, I have far more faith in the intelligence of dolphins than I do the intelligence of humanity. Dolphins, after all, don’t build nuclear bombs, radioactive power plants or GMOs, and they sure don’t inject their own children with mercury and genetic fragments from diseased animals. Only humans are stupid enough to do that.

Every animal on the planet instinctively protects its young… except humans. Human mothers actually turn their children over to insane doctors who inject them with methyl mercury (vaccines), an extremely toxic brain poison that “lobotomizes” human brains and turns brilliant children into low-IQ future slave workers.

Perhaps one day human scientists will finally be able to talk with dolphins. If so, I’m sure one of the first questions we’ll be asked by them is, “Why do you brain damage your own children and call it medicine?”

Sources for this story include:
http://www.dolphincommunicationproject.org

http://www.fundageek.com/project/detail/853/The-Science-of-Dolphin-…

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/dolphins-can-…

http://english.pravda.ru/science/earth/05-08-2013/125310-dolphins_i…

http://thesecretmoongarden.ning.com/forum/topics/dolphins-granted-p…

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